Hello Friends, "JeannieF'gMiller" here.....
Many years ago,
when MySpace was around,
I took to blogging because my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I needed a place to get my feelings out. To my surprise, I ended up with 40,000 followers and received private emails from supporters all around the WORLD! It was one of the things that helped get me through such a dark, painful & lonely time for me. To this day, I am still "social media friends" with some of those supporters. I could never thank them enough! Those blogs ended up becoming my book, Prince Gary. https://www.lovelonger.net/prince-gary
I promised my late husband I would turn his story into a book and I did it! That book has in turn helped many people who are going through their own difficulties....so I have been told. So it is a proud thing for me! My late husband is still helping people which was something he loved to do!
Fast forward 12 years later, 2020 -2021 has been an extremely trying time for all of us. This morning I thought, hmmmm maybe I will go back to writing as it once was so healing. Soooo here I am! I have never claimed to be an English major, I have only always written from the heart.
Since my last blogs,
I have since remarried. I am so grateful! I spent many years masking pain, avoiding anything that resembled love and being very angry. It took me 10 years to open my heart to love again but I did. If you lost a loved one and are wondering if it will ever happen for you again......one day it will. One day you will find that while you heart still has MANY cracks in it....you will find some healing parts to allow you love again. Have faith. It may take a year, it may take 10 years or more...but in YOUR time, it will be right for YOU!
2020 and now 2021 has been so hard on us all! A global pandemic!!! Who would have thought we would be living through that? The one good thing is that we are all in this together. The one bad thing is that we are all so divided thanks to politics! It is heartbreaking to witness. We all have allowed these power & money hungry politicians turn us to damn near civil war! Rep vrs Dems. But we are ALL Americans. Politicians have turned us against each other. Never did I think this is how American would be, fighting each other.
You might think, if you are a happy person then why do you feel so angry? If you are a Christian, you wouldn't feel so angry? But the fact is anger is a part of life. We can feel angry but it is how we act upon that anger. We don't have to let that anger control us.
In my 48 years of life, I have been through some shit. We ALL have, right? I have let some things consume me. I have let some things lead me down dark roads.
But I think,
for the most part,
I have risen above these things and become stronger woman for them.
I would be lying if I said,
some of these things hasn't turned part of my heart black,
turned me a bit bitter,
part of my soul dead.
But I have always gotten back up and started over.
I always have told my daughter, "You can start your day over again any time you need too." Whew, boy have I started over many time....but at least I did! At least I started over and didn't stay under the covers and get sucked into a dark place....well for long anyway, lol!
sometimes it is hard to understand why people do the things they do,
that ultimately hurt others.
But is that really what I should be focusing on?
Does it really matter to my existence, if I figure out why people do things that ultimately hurt me (or anyone for that matter)?
Isn't that up to them to figure out?
Don't I have enough to worry about then to try and figure out someone else's actions?
Oh I believe I do. Yet I find myself, many times, trying to understand....."why would xyz to that?"
"How could xyz hurt me like that?"
"Why did things go this way?"
"What did I do to deserve that????"
Do you ever find yourself asking those questions? I can't be alone here! lol!!!
Soooooo what do I answer myself when I start running all these questions in my mind? I don't know about you but my mind is like a BAD NEIGHBORHOOD, you just DON'T want to be left there alone! lol! Unfortunately, I am left there alone, OFTEN! LOL!!!!! So how do I answer all those questions?????
I could list all kinds of things here but I think you get the message. For me, I have to refocus and think to myself, "what is it about me that is allowing someone else's actions hurt me like this?" and another thing that I do often is say to myself.....
It might sound odd to you....
but to me,
If NO ONE IS DYING,
then it can't be THAT bad! So straighten out your crown and move forward!
of a very close loved one,
WILL change you FOREVER!
I promise you that.
Some of you may know exactly what I am talking about. But some of those changes, could be for the better. It isn't all bad! Some of those changes, make me understand....now...today...the importance of SHOWING those you love, that you LOVE them!
Because you just don't know what tomorrow could bring.
For the most part,
life is good.
I have many things to be grateful for!
I have love.
My heart is open and fulfilled.
I have family.
I have many things that are good. I am blessed. But of course there are moments, things happen, that HURT. That make you think....."WTF!!!!! Can't anything just go smoothly in my life!?!?!?!?! ENOUGH!!!!"
Then again....it comes up....
LOVE is the answer.
If we open ourselves up like a flower,
sometimes it hurts when the petals push open,
but once they do....
the beautiful bloom is worth it all.
We can not control what others do,
or try to do,
but we can gain some sense of control over how we choose to react.
We must STOP trying to MAKE someone act a certain way, or treat us a certain way.
We don't have to allow someone else's issues control our life.
Or how about this....
We deserve the BEST in life!
We deserve LOVE in life!
Well unless your a real asshole! LOL!!!
Anyway, I ramble sometimes! My point is, when my heart feels heavy, I turn to love. And it helps! I would love to read, in the comments here, what you do when your heart feels heavy? Maybe something YOU write could touch someone else in a way you didn't even mean too. (To comment,
scroll back up, click "ALL POSTS," scroll down and click on the little comment button.)
Today, I will try my best to open myself up to the LOVE that is coming my way. Not the hate. I may have to start my day over a few times but I won't stop trying.